Waitress.

So after staying up all night with the homies and massacring them in Mortal Kombat I had to recharge at the House!  This morning I went in there totally wiped out and just started slamming back coffee like a mad dog.  After like 5 cups the server told me it would be a few minutes before a new pot was ready...gaaaay...so I just spaced out and thought about how wicked my finishing moves were last night.  Well out of nowhere the coffee lady came at me full speed ahead and I knew for sure she was going to throw that shit in my face.  I wasn't about to get Reptile'd in the grill so I grabbed a fork and straight pronged her in the arm like a polio vaccine!  She freaked and the coffee spilled everywhere, but since none of it got on my Chucks it was straight.

The mailman.

So everyone knows that if I get interrupted when I'm in the zone (crushing MK) I totally lose my shit.  Well, yesterday I was straight owning on intermediate level when all of a sudden someone tried to break into my apartment!  I was freaking hard because a hand was reaching through the mail slot and dropping what was probably a bunch of envelopes filled with anthrax or something crucial like that.  I was like, "I'm going to fuck this dude up!" so I ran and grabbed a filet knife from the kitchen and bolted outside.  This d-bag in all blue was like, "Oh, hi!" and I was like, "MILEENA SLASH!" right across his face.  He was totally thrashed and I was like, "What's up now, douche!?"